Forcing His Hand – Chapter Two

Giles felt pressure on his chest as he struggled to sit up. His eyes snapped open to find Buffy kneeling on the floor, her hand on his chest, her eyes full of worry. He lifted his hand and gently touched her cheek.

“Buffy…” Her name left his lips on a soft breath.

Buffy stared at him in concern, surprised to see tears in his eyes. “Are you okay? You…screamed…”

As he dropped his hand from her face, Buffy caught the flicker in his eye that he wasn’t able to hide. Her eyes widened slightly. He averted his eyes from hers and gently removed her hand from his chest, allowing him to sit up.

“I’m…fine. Just a, um…a bad dream…I suppose.”

“Giles?” She whispered.

He stood up suddenly and ran his hand through his hair. “I’m fine.”

He glanced at her and recognized her look of confusion. He instantly knew that she had seen what he had kept carefully guarded for so long. He swore softly under his breath and quickly left the room, heading down the hall towards the bathroom.

She stood slowly, her eyes focused on the hallway. Willow moved next to her and placed her hand on Buffy’s arm.

“Do you think he’s okay?”

Buffy shook her head, still staring at the hall. “No, I don’t. But, I think I need to talk to him alone.”

She finally turned and met her friend’s worried eyes. “I’m sorry, Will. I know you’re worried about him too. But…I don’t think he’ll talk with you here.”

Willow nodded, disappointment showing in her eyes. “Watcher/Slayer thing?”

“Possibly, but…”

Willow narrowed her eyes. “But?”

Buffy darted her eyes back to the hall as she inhaled deeply. “I think it’s more of a Buffy/Giles thing…”

“Oh.” Willow spoke uncertainly. “A Buffy/Giles thing?”

“I need to talk to him.” Buffy answered rather cryptically. “But, I’ll call you later, okay?”

Willow nodded slowly. “Yeah…but, is he going to be okay? I’ve never heard him…well…scream like that…”

“Me neither. That’s why I need to talk to him. I won’t leave until I know he’s okay, I promise.”

“Okay, but call me as soon as you leave?”

“I promise, Will.”

Willow looked towards the hallway and sighed. “Okay.”

She gathered her belongings and walked to the door. As she opened it, she looked back at Buffy. “Tell him I hope he’s okay?”

When Buffy nodded, Willow stepped outside and closed the door behind her. Buffy was debating on whether to stay in the living room or go down the hall when she heard a slightly startled ‘oh’.

She looked towards the hallway to find Giles looking at her. As soon as she met his eyes, he averted his.

“Um…tea?” He asked softly.

“We should talk.”

He took a deep breath. “Scotch, then?”

Buffy raised an eyebrow, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Contributing to the delinquency of a minor?”

Giles’ eyes widened in shock. “You’re not a minor.”

“No, I’m not.” She agreed softly and sat down on the couch. “But…I’m not twenty-one yet either.”

“Oh, right.” He gestured towards the kitchen. “So, we’re back to tea.”

Buffy shook her head slowly and motioned to the couch. “No, come and sit down.”

He ran his hand through his hair and walked across the room, clearing his throat as he sat down on the far end of the couch. “What, uh…what would you like to discuss?”

She sat on the edge of the cushion and stared at her hands folded in her lap. “What happened earlier?”

“If I were to tell you it was only a bad dream, would you be content with that answer?”

“No.” She whispered and lifted her eyes to look at him. “You screamed my name.”

He cleared his throat and sighed. “It…was a very bad dream.”

“I died, didn’t I?” Her eyes glistened when he looked at her. “In your dream, I died.”

When he didn’t answer her, she bit her lip nervously and continued. “That’s why you didn’t sleep well last night, isn’t it? You’re dreaming about my death?” A tear rolled down her cheek and her voice wavered. “Are…are you having…prophecy dreams about my…about my death?”

He looked at her quickly, shaking his head as he lifted his hand to wipe the tear from her skin. “No, Buffy. It’s not…the dreams are never the same.”

“How many?”

He lowered his hand and turned his body towards her. “Five.”

“And…I die every time?” She whispered.

He nodded and looked down at her right hand, which she was rubbing nervously at her thigh. “As horrible as that is…watching you…” His voice broke slightly and he took a second to regain his composure.

“I’m beginning to believe that it’s my subconscious attempting to force my hand.”

Buffy looked at him, clearly confused. “Huh?”

He looked into her eyes and took a deep breath. “You’ll be twenty-one in a couple of months.”

“Yeah, and?” She prompted him gently.

“And…I can count on one hand, not using all five digits, the number of Slayers who lived to see their twenty-first birthday.”

She tilted her head in thought. “So…you’re dreaming about my death because you’re worried about me dying before I turn twenty-one?”

He let out a deep breath and shook his head. “No. Well, possibly, but…no.”

She reached out and laid her hand on his arm. He looked down at her hand as she gently squeezed him. “Tell me.”

“I, um…I’m not sure…”

She moved her hand until it covered his wrist. “Tell me, Giles.”

He met her eyes and shook his head. “I don’t think…”

“Tell me, please.”

He swallowed, allowing his true feelings to be seen in his green eyes as he whispered almost inaudibly. “I love you.”

Other than her eyes slightly widening, she gave no indication that she had heard him. He lowered his head.

“Every dream ends with me telling you after you’ve…when it’s too late.”

He closed his eyes when he felt her remove her hand from his wrist. “I expect nothing in return, Buffy. And I will not speak of this again.”

He stood and started walking towards the stairs. He stopped, but didn’t turn around, when she spoke his name.

“I’m weary, Buffy. I think I’m beyond exhaustion at the moment. Maybe now that I’ve…well, now that you know…maybe the dreams will stop.”

He turned slowly and looked at her. “If I hurt you…or upset you…I do apologize. I’ll not force my feelings on you, Buffy.”

“I know.” She whispered softly.

He tilted his head slightly and offered her a tired smile. “You saw it in my eyes earlier.”

She gave him a small nod. “Just a…flicker…when you first woke up.”

“I’m sorry.” He stated sadly and started climbing the stairs. He stopped when he was nearly at the top and looked down at her. “Goodnight, Buffy.”

“Goodnight, Giles.” She responded quietly.

With no other words spoken, he stepped into the bedroom and out of her sight. She heard the bed creak slightly as he fell onto it. She sank onto the couch and took a deep breath, willing her heart to stop its pounding in her chest.

Knowing he’d be sound asleep soon, she picked up the cordless phone. She waited until she heard a soft snore from the loft and then quickly dialled Willow’s number.

* * *

“Of course he loves you.” Willow spoke quietly before something clicked in her head. “But…you’re not talking about a friendly type of love, are you?”

“No, I’m not.” Buffy looked up the stairs when she heard the bed creak slightly as he rolled over. She stood up and silently made her way out the front door, the phone cradled against her shoulder.

“Oh. So…what are you going to do? I mean…”

Buffy sighed softly. “He said that he wouldn’t talk about it again. And that he doesn’t expect me to do anything.”

“Oh, well…that’s good, right? I mean, that way it wouldn’t make things really awkward.” When Buffy didn’t reply, Willow narrowed her eyes. “Right?”

Buffy shook her head and sat down on the doorstep. “I don’t know.”

“Huh?”

Buffy leaned back, resting her head on the door and closed her eyes. “I think…I think I want him to talk about it some more. And…I think I want me to talk about it…to him.”

Willow’s eyes widened as she gasped. “Buffy? Do…do you love him? I mean…like that ?”

“I’m not sure. There’s something…I feel something for him, Will. Something that’s more than him just being my Watcher. Is it love? I don’t know…but, I know I want to talk about it some more.”

When Willow hesitated in a response, Buffy exhaled slowly. “Does that bother you?”

“What? No. No, it doesn’t bother me. I mean, yeah…it seems, well…no, it doesn’t seem sudden when I think about it. But…he loves you, Buffy. And…you want to talk to him about it, but you’re not sure if you love him. I just…I don’t want him to be hurt. Or you. And – ”

Buffy smiled as Willow rambled. “I’m not talking about going up to his room and having sex with him right now, Will.” She chuckled, almost able to see Willow blush. “But…if what I’m feeling is bordering on love, then…maybe I shouldn’t just let him not talk about it.”

“So, you’re talking about dating? Dating Giles?”

Buffy shrugged her shoulder, sighing heavily. “Maybe. Yeah…I’m talking about dating Giles. Taking things slow to find out what I’m feeling. I don’t want to hurt him either, Will.”

Willow took a deep breath and exhaled deeply. “Just…be careful, Buffy.”

Buffy nodded slowly and steered the conversation away from the possibility of a relationship…a romantic one, at that…between her and Giles. “So, tell me what’s going on in the World of Willow.”

Buffy smiled as Willow began updating her on latest botched spell.