Believe – Chapter Two

Buffy glanced at Giles and sighed softly as she watched him rub his temple as he flipped through the pages of the book in front of him. Xander and Willow were also deep into research mode. She stood quietly and walked down the hallway to the bathroom.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror on the medicine cabinet, shocked at how tired she looked. Crying always took a lot out of her…and she had definitely done her fair share of crying today.

She opened the cabinet and searched through the various medicine bottles. The mass variety of painkillers in his home still unnerved her. But different doctors prescribe different things and Giles rarely saw the same doctor twice in the emergency room.

She found the bottle she was looking for and shook two capsules into her hand. She took a deep breath and closed the cabinet, her eyes darting to the reflection of Giles' robe hanging on the back of the door. She moved to the door and ran her hand over the soft cloth, exhaling deeply and refusing to let the tears fall again.

Before she could dwell on the current mess that was her love life, she rushed out of the bathroom and headed back to the living room, making a quick detour into the kitchen for a bottle of water. She reclaimed her seat and placed the water on the table. Giles looked up as she turned his hand over and dropped two capsules into his palm.

“Thank you.” He whispered, quickly popping the pills into his mouth.

“Is it just the alcohol?” She asked, referring to his headache.

“I’m not sure. Probably.”

She was quiet for a second and then placed her hand on his thigh. “I’m sorry, Giles.”

He exhaled slowly and met her eyes. “You should get some rest.”

She bit her bottom lip, understanding that he wasn’t ready for an apology. She stood back up and reached out to touch him, stopping just before her fingers touched his shoulder. She sighed and dropped her hand back to her side.

“Please don’t hate me, Giles.” She whispered as she leaned down and kissed the temple he’d been rubbing vigorously. “I love you.”

Before he could respond, she hurriedly made her way up the stairs. He gently touched the spot where she had kissed him and exhaled shakily. Willow reached across the table and touched the back of his hand to get his attention.

When he met her eyes, she offered him a gentle smile. “She does love you Giles. I understand you’re angry, and I get that…I really do. But, she thought she was protecting you.”

“I know.” He answered quietly and looked towards the loft. “I don’t want her to think I hate her. What I’m feeling is far from hate.” He cleared his throat and returned his gaze to Willow. “And…I’m more hurt than angry.”

“Maybe you should go up and talk to her.” She suggested softly.

He shook his head and looked back down at the book. “She needs to rest.”

Xander looked up and tapped his fingers on the table. “I normally keep quiet in these kinds of situations because I really don’t know what to say. But, one thing I do know…she’s not going to be able to rest. Not until you at least talk to her.”

Giles ran his hand through his hair. “I’m not even sure of what to say.”

Xander leaned forward, catching Giles’ eyes. “Do you love her?”

“More than anything.” Giles answered without hesitation.

The young man smiled and gestured to the loft. “Good place to start, I think.”

Willow nodded in agreement. “And we’ll keep searching for the demon. I think I might be on to something here…”

Giles met her eyes and easily recognized her determination. He pushed back his chair and, after a brief pause, stood. Taking a deep breath, he walked to the stairs. After a moment’s hesitation and without another word spoken, he began his ascent.

* * *

Buffy heard his footsteps on the stairs. She sat up and rested her back against the headboard, folding her hands in her lap. She took a nervous breath as he stepped into the room.

“Hello.” He spoke softly.

“Hey.” She replied, staring at her hands.

“I, uh…” He cleared his throat and took a step forward. “Buffy…I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”

Her lip quivered as she fought her tears. “But?”

“I’m hurt.” He moved closer and sat down on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. “It hurts me that you wouldn’t say anything. I…I understand you were trying to protect me, but…you can’t. Not in this.”

He swallowed and turned his head to look at her. She was still staring at her hands, but he knew she was on the verge of tears once more.

“Buffy, look at me.” After a moment, she complied with his request and he continued softly. “If you want to end our relationship, don’t use this as an excuse. We both knew the risks, and discussed them at length, before we started this. If you honestly think this isn’t going to work between us…or if you…if you don’t love me…then by all means, break my heart. But, break it cleanly.”

He watched a salty bead of moisture roll down her face as his eyes welled with tears.

“Don’t…don’t tell me you love me…that you’ve always loved me and that you always will. Don’t tell me that and then leave me.”

“I didn’t want to break up with you.” She whispered as another tear spilled onto her cheek.

“But you did. And…I think that was the most painful dissolution of a relationship that I’ve ever experienced. Past lovers have hurt me, yes. But…not one of them spoke of their undying love for me as they walked away.”

She lowered her eyes and inhaled shakily. “Did I destroy everything we have? Has our relationship been completely ruined?”

“I don’t know.” He answered sadly. “That depends on you. And…you need time to think, Buffy.”

He shook his head quickly as she started to protest. “No, Buffy. I need you to think about this…what you want. But right now, you need to rest.” He rubbed the side of his head as his vision blurred. “And apparently so do I.”

Realizing that the painkillers were beginning to take effect, she reached out and grabbed his hand as he started to stand. “Please stay.”

He wanted to say no. He also wanted to take her into his arms and hold her tightly. His head swam and his eyes lost their focus as he looked at her.

“We’re only resting, Buffy. Nothing more.”

She gave him a slow nod and moved over, giving him enough room to lie down. He was able to kick his shoes off before the painkillers knocked him out. His head fell onto the pillow, his eyes closed in a drugged slumber.

Her trembling hand stroked the side of his face in a loving gesture before she turned her back to him and closed her eyes.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Willow cautiously made her way up the stairs, a soft smile on her face as she took in the two sleeping figures on the bed. Giles was spooned behind Buffy, his left arm draped over her and her head resting on his right.

She quietly made her way across the room and knelt beside the bed. “Buffy?”

“Mm?”

Willow smiled at the mumble and reached out, gently shaking her friend’s shoulder. “Buffy?”

Buffy opened her eyes. “Will?”

“Hey.” She whispered, not wanting to wake Giles. “I think we may have found your demon.”

“Oh. Okay.” She carefully lifted Giles’ arm and slid out from under it.

As Buffy stood next to the bed and smoothed her wrinkled clothes, Willow smiled. “You two get things worked out?”

Buffy sighed sadly. “Not exactly. But, I’m hoping we took a few steps in that direction.”

Willow narrowed her eyes. “Oh. I just thought…with the way he was holding you…”

“We didn’t go to sleep that way. I think he’s going to need some time. And he wants me to take some…to make sure he is what I want and need.” Buffy met her friend’s eyes and exhaled slowly. “I really hurt him, Will.”

Willow squeezed Buffy’s shoulder in a reassuring manner. “It’ll all work out, Buff. I really believe that.”

“I hope so.” Buffy whispered as she looked down at the sleeping man. She blew out a deep breath and turned back to Willow. “So, the demon?”

Willow motioned towards the stairs and smiled. “Come on, I’ll tell you all about him.”

As they started down the stairs, Willow noticed that Xander wasn’t at the table. She took the opportunity to grab Buffy’s arm, halting her movement. Willow took a deep breath when Buffy turned questioning eyes to her.

“Why didn’t you say anything? I mean…about the dreams or the maybe baby? To me?”

Buffy lowered her eyes and leaned against the wall. “I wanted to, but…God, I didn’t want to tell Giles that way.”

“By the look in his eyes when you told him, I’d say he’ll forgive your bluntness about it.”

“I hope so.” Buffy responded quietly, glancing at the top of the stairs. “Still…I wish it had been more…something other than it was.”

When Willow said nothing, Buffy met her eyes and cleared her throat. “And I did want to tell you. I almost did, but…”

“But?” Willow prompted gently when Buffy trailed off.

Buffy sighed heavily. “But, I was trying to protect you too. In my own, dysfunctional Buffy way. I thought if you didn’t know, you wouldn’t tell Giles…or try to stop me yourself…”

Willow snorted softly. “Yeah, as if I could stop you.”

Buffy looked into her eyes and shook her head, her voice soft when she spoke. “But, you’d try. And if you couldn’t, you would’ve told Giles so that he could try. And…that would’ve just put everyone in danger. So…instead of saying anything, I figured it would just be me.”

Buffy shrugged a shoulder and exhaled deeply. “Stupid, huh?”

Willow nodded slowly. “Monumentally. But…we still love you.” She smiled softly as Buffy looked back up the stairs again. “He still loves you too, you know.”

Buffy offered her friend a smile, a small and slightly sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. She heard the bathroom door open and Xander’s footsteps in the hallway.

“So…tell me about this demon?”

Willow wrapped her hand around Buffy’s wrist and gently led her down the stairs.